After years of wondering, today I throw out a question in search of other parents who have children of divorce and who find they also have a teenage space traveller.
My daughter and I have been on our own since she was less than a year old. Although her dad and I have a respectful relationship, we could not make it work as a couple (as so many of you can understand). Since she was young, she has gone back and forth between two homes. Over the last few years, I have noticed a strange trend as she returned home from a weekend with her dad and his family.
Every second weekend, my wonderful daughter leaves. When at home, she can chat for hours and entertain me with stories of everyone who has a good or bad day at her school, who is grounded, and who has broken up (again). Now, she comes back from her dad's as a quiet thunderbolt who answers questions with one syllable. At first I would ask myself, "Where did my great girl go?" or "What could have happened that would upset her so much?" Again and again, I would worry that something upset her and ask her for reasons, but over time, I came to find out it was not about her having a bad weekend. I soon learned to wait for her to come back down to earth.
This is why today I compare this bi-weekly exercise to space travel. My daughter may only have a short trip from her dad’s home to mine, but she needs decompression time. Like an astronaut who has to re-adapt to earth’s gravity after some time away, so does she.
Over the last year, my daughter has started a great tactic for returning to her normal self—a shower. She heads upstairs, has a nice long shower, and comes back down to earth as my beautiful girl. It is amazing how much more relaxed she is. If I plan something too soon after she gets home, she will not have time to re-adjust, so I have learned to let her be. It does not just have to be a shower—quiet time in her room, watching a PVRed TV show that she missed while she was away, etc.
As long as she can be by herself for a bit, my daughter soon returns to herself.
So I wonder, is this just us? Anyone else have this experience? I would be curious to hear other moms who have this experience, or who have suggestions on other decompression techniques.
After all, while it is more common for today’s children to have to deal with divorce and live different lives, it does not mean that we should take lightly how they feel about their travel between two homes, or in my case, two different worlds.
Printer-friendly version