Her darkest days

Here's a story. 

There was a girl I knew, a girl who struggled with depression and anxiety her whole life. She thought she was different, strange. She could never sleep well, would gain weight, then go to drastic measures (as a teen) to lose the weight.

She was never happy.

OK, sometimes she was happy, even really ecstatic for things that she loved. Deep down though, this depression always lingered. One day, when she was much older.

Married, with children as well, she discovered something. It was magical in so many ways. It was a substance she could use that would take all of her thoughts away.

Oh my!

Why hadn't she been introduced to this magic before?

It was like heaven for a little while. 

Then it would wear off, and reality would sink in again. So she took more of the magic, and more and more ... every day.

It felt like it was saving her life, but in actuality it was killing her.

There were times when she had consumed so much of this magic, that she was surprised she even woke up. She would go to extremes to get this magic substance, but then one day, she went too far.

She got in trouble, and even though it changed her life forever, it also, very probably, saved her life.

She paid for her crimes, and she went through recovery.

She kept hearing that there were people who would relapse, and eventually end up back in trouble. She was determined not to do this. She didn't ever want to be in this situation, or feel this regretful again.

So, she had to change.

It took work, she relapsed more than a few times, she still to this day has fantasies about her magic substance, but it's not magic.

It's evil, it's addiction.

People say if you are an addict you are selfish, after all, you chose to take that first pill, drink, or injection, YOU chose that.

Well, that is true, and that part could be selfish, although, if for example, a prescription is given for pain management, you don't swallow that pill thinking it could make you selfish one day.

What you didn't do, is ask for the little door inside your brain to open up and refuse to close, until you kept filling it with evil.

My friend didn't choose that, and she could not control that.

Once that door is open, a therapist once said, "it will never close" the addict has to work on it, think about it every single day.

We can sit back and judge addicts, we can say they are worthless, a waste of time and money. They don't care, they just want their fix.

Are you sure?

Are you positive that the addict who lost her life to an overdose really, really was just that selfish?

Or, was she trying to fill a void, that just could not be filled. Sometimes, when nothing else seems to work, we fall weak to anything ... anything at all that might take away the thoughts and the hurt.

So before you judge an addict, or call them selfish, think about looking past the why do you do this, and ask them what you can do to help.

You might save a life.

Let them be angry, let them tell you they don't need help — but don't give up on someone you care about. There's always more to the story than meets the eye. My friend still battles her thoughts every single day, and she has to make an effort every single day not to search for that magic substance. She's changed her life around, works her nine to five, raises her kids, cleans her house, and does everything a mother should do.

However, her mind will never let her be completely free. So, she takes it one day at a time. She may never be cured, but she will always fight, she will always be worth loving, worth hiring, worth forgiving, worth trusting, and worth living.

— Jennifer Coe-Harris is a staff writer for The Daily Reporter. She can be reached at Jharris@thedailyreporter.com or by calling (517) 278-2318. Or follow her on Twitter: @JharrisTDR