Never get between electricity and where it wants to go.
You can't outrun even the smallest explosion.
You can do just about anything - anything! - with duct tape.
Elder wisdom is hard to find. Elder advice gets dumped on you in piles, like bills in the mail, but only a precious amount of it is wise. Heed these little nuggets and the plaid philosopher who spake them. They were picked fresh from the vine of Red Green, and if anyone is ripe, it is he.
It seems like Red Green has gotten ripe right before our very eyes, unable to turn away, like the aftermath of a train wreck.
A train is probably the only thing Red Green and his band of merry Possum Lodge buddies hasn't wrecked. No matter how good their intentions, no matter what home handyman logic they hammered out, their version of DIY always seemed to turn into DIWhy-oh-why-oh-why?
Their outhouse genius has played out on pages, stages and screens like a bestselling What-Not-To-Do Manual ever since comedian and writer Steve Smith brought him to life back in the 1970s.
The first time Canada met Red, he was a recurring character in Smith's first major television success, the show he and his comedian wife Morag generated call Smith & Smith (they also did stage performances under this banner). After their duo act wound down, Red showed up in Smith's followup television efforts The Comedy Mill and Me & Max, as well as in standup comedy settings.
Like a mackinaw rash, Red Green kept coming back. It became clear to Smith that the duct tape gentleman needed his own pond to paddle in so The Red Green Show was born in 1991. It ran for more than 300 episodes, spawned the movie Duct Tape Forever, had a syndicated newspaper column called North Of 40, and broke into the U.S. market when PBS struck a deal to air the series Stateside.
It was wildly applauded wherever it was seen, and not only for the wry humour. The program was a tall glass of water scooped from the Canadian actor's talent pool. Consummate Canadian performers such as Patrick McKenna, Rick Green, Bob Bainborough, Jeff Lumby, Peter Keleghan, and many others appeared as regular cast members. It also drew major name-power with multiple episodes done by the likes of rock star Ian Thomas, his brother Dave Thomas (from Bob & Doug McKenzie and Grace Under Fire fame), movie and TV star Paul Gross, A-list comedic actor Colin Mochrie, aboriginal acting superstar Graham Greene, and legendary Newfoundland thespian Gordon Pinsent, to name only some.
Pinsent - an Oscar nominee, a ubiquitous powerhouse in Canadian film and television - was essentially coerced into being on the show for a single stint but stuck around for more than 50 episodes, said Smith, in a phone call to The Citizen this week.
"We were developing a sitcom for CBC. I had a deal with CBC to write a script and they'd see if they were going to take it to pilot (shoot a test episode). And he went to a bunch of meetings, this was in the late '80s, and they ended up not taking it to pilot but they still paid me for the script, so I felt really bad. I sent Gord a cheque for something like $1,000 because he'd done all that work, gone to all those meetings, and he got nothing. So he sent me return mail, the cheque comes back, with a note saying 'Just wanted you to know, not every Newfoundlander will take money for not working.' Hahahaha. So I called him and said look, I'm doing a kinda dumb little show here, and I want you to be on the show, cause this will solve my problem. You come out for one day, I will overpay you, so that'll satisfy your need to work and it'll satisfy my need to make things right. So he came out for one day, I paid him, and he just kept coming out, 15 years later."
Smith said he developed a similar recurring relationship in about 1994 with Greene, already famous for Dances With Wolves and about to get bigger with Die Hard and The Green Mile.
"Graham Green came to me and said 'what have I got to do to get on your show?' and I said I think you just did it. And I had Charlie Farquharson (the signature character of Order Of Canada actor Don Harron) on, too, which was an honour. It was a great run. I've got the great memories of the TV show, but I'm loving the live thing. It's so personal. It's like how entertainment started, you know, around the campfire."
He's coming, as Red Green, to perform in Prince George on
Sept. 22 at Vanier Hall. Wait a minute... Red Green, the walking handyman disaster...? Inside the wooden surroundings of Vanier Hall...? And did you just say campfire...?
No need to worry, Smith laughed, the best case scenario is warm feelings, and maybe some heartburn, but that can be treated.
His show is sans open flame, but also without swearing, degradation, defamation, and he wears suspenders so there isn't likely to be any nudity either. The fact sellout crowds keep showing up for the Red Green stage show is proof that fans will show up for shrewd showmanship instead of shock or shade.
"I'm not obscene, I'm not angry, I'm not even young, and I'm not good looking. If you described me and asked what kind of career someone like that would have in show business you'd say no. Or what year are we talking - do we have to go back to 1947 to see this guy? I don't know what it's a testament to - maybe that regardless of all the changes in the world, and all the things you're supposed to do and all the ways you're supposed to think, there are still a lot of Red Greens out there and there are people in the family that like him."
One of the endearing traits of Red Green's character is how, regardless of the disasters he conjures each episode, he is still a mix of the smartest guy in the room and intrinsically flawed. Like most professional mechanics and construction workers you know, he is a blend of blowing the calculations (sometimes literally) and pulling of little mechanical miracles. Red Green is a complex character, as are people in general, so he stands as a reflection of everyday society.
Smith is in a position in life that he doesn't need to tour. Morag chose to quit the road decades ago. Even though the pair are closing in on their 50th wedding anniversary this coming fall, he still hasn't joined her in retirement from the motion of the travelling comedian.
And it isn't like he's obligated to anyone. Smith's constant tour promoter, Bryan Edwards (a beloved impresario in Canadian entertainment), asked him how he'd like to arrange the Red Green appearances and attached no contractual strings.
"I told him: You know what, leave me alone. If I wake up one morning and I've got an idea, I'll write it down. And then I'll write another idea. And if I get enough ideas, and I just can't wait to get on stage and express those, I'll call you. So then I'll do it from a creative source and not from 'I've made a commitment and now I've got to fill a hole.'"
He came up with an ample list of ideas for his one-man Red Green tour entitled How To Do Everything that came through town in 2013. Another list sprouted through the next couple of years and finally bore fruit this summer, and even though a bit of time has gone by, he insists I'm Not Old, I'm Ripe. Don't believe me? Come give the show a good sniff. Just beware that some apples are red, some apples are green, some things aren't better smelled than seen.
It'll happen Sept. 22 when Vanier Hall will be commandeered for the next meeting of the Possum Lodge at 7 p.m. Tickets are on sale at the CN Centre box office, online via Ticketmaster, or at the door while supplies last.
